Look around....

I look around
i see a million people cross my path...i see none next to me
i see people walking hand in hand together....i see none holding mine
i see none with me..
i see none for me..
No one to wait for long hours to turn up...
No one to pamper with gifts...
No one to tag along wherever i go...
No one to to love like never before...

And then again...a thought rises up...........
There might not be anyone next to me, with me, just for me for the moment......
But am privileged enough to have Gem of pals spread over who are more precious than what i want....That puts a smile, a smile saying that u have whatever you need right here with you...so don`t curse yourself for someone who is not with you, but be blessed for all the people who are with you....have been through your good times and worst times and will continue to be so.....My friends ROCK....well so do I :-P
....
Till then
It just goes to say that the elusive search still continues for that mysterious one....

Is it gud or bad

I never ever EVVVVERRRR thought some ppl can actually be like me in a lot of ways....Jus goes to say that am not d only crazy idiot in this planet....it feels soooo NICEEEEE.....but din feel so good to actually talk to someone whoz kind of a mirror image in those lot of ways...hehe...DONNO IF TIS GOOD OR BAD....

IRONY

IRONY...it is definitely the word to describe how stuffs go on around. Never even in the faintest of imaginations did i realize that life could begin to get filled up with so much of irony. I mean, the feeling is kinda mind blowing in a way coz really after all of what has happened around, there is this smile that just creeps up on my face with a tinge of not knowing what is exactly going on around. I had this one thought at the back of my head that i will not go n do such and such a thing....jus fearing an experience that did not want to happen. Then i came at crossroads where i had to think about what might be coming my way, is it something that i really want, something that i really need, something that i should be apprehensive about getting.....a lot of such questions came crawling up my mind. But, it was a nice feeling to go along with. Then, it happened all of my questions were answered....the moment i had the answer, a sheepish smile jus lept on me, hiding behind it a possible sorrow but filling it eventually with a moment of being contented knowing that possible worries have been dispelled.....
at the end of it all, i am kinda satisfied to being in the position that i am now and things should just begin to fall in place and all should be well...LIFE ROCKS, but it is one helluva SHITTY place to be in....tis like i just screwed myself with last hope unscrewing myself just having slipped out of the hands....no matter how ironical it might get, things will just keep moving on.

whenever....

Whenever i think of u, i wish the times freeze...Coz i always want to think of u
Whenever i walk , i wish u are my shadow...Coz i always want u to b wid me
Whenever i see, wish ur standing before me...Coz i u r d only one i wanna c
Whenever i dream, i wish u r in my dreams...Coz i don wanna dream of anybody else
Whenever i need to woken, i wish u wake me up...Coz i wanna start my day looking at u
Whenever i laugh, i wish u laugh with me...Coz i wanna share my happiness wid u
For all that i have wished about u ...I wish u wish the same about me

But,
Whenever i cry, i wish u don`t see me cry...Coz i don`t want u to see my sorrows......

The MANY mistakes of my life

I really have never been a reader of books....all my life the only books that have kept me interested are comic books which i have thoroughly enjoyed reading as a kid...still do.Being a technical being had to dig through a few study related books every now and then, but all those were always just for the heck of reading, not interesting really.....This past week i totally surprised myself by completly reading a book"THE 3 MISTAKES OF MY LIFE".i first saw that somewhere around last year [november maybe] and just the thought of reading a book was so repulsive that i did never go thru reading even the intro part of it that time around.Well, times have changed i guess coz i did manage to read thru the whole novel n the funny part was that i found it interesting enough to keep me going through it.something that not many novels that i have had the thought of reading could make me do.NICE story tho...Readin it along made me realise that i just did THE FIRST[nth maybe] MISTAKE OF MY LIFE....coz right there is this unusual urge to read the other books by chethan bhagat....this book had kept me so engrossed that i actually forgot the whole plot that i had read in the beginning....he sez that tis based on a true life incidents, the incidents were true though, but were the characters in it also true....if they are then i really am looking forward to the batting prodigy that was mentioned in it...cannot wait to meet the next icon of INDIAN cricket....hard to beleive it tho....
After this book, i guess there are many more mistakes to be made, more books to be read....more time to be killed .....and yes more n more blogs to write :-)

Is this what we are....

Yesterday Neha sent me over a mail, a forward which said about the cruelty being done on innocent animals.The first time i saw the subject it said : PLEASE SIGN this petition. Usually when someone has a look at such a subject, it is like, another one of those stupid forwards trying to do something better for the world, or someone is missing, or someone needs help...that really was my first impression when i saw the mail. Just decided to go through it once before probably deleting it.So i started to dig through it, it was being forwarded all over the world i guess coz i saw names of countries from all over the world in that.

I BEG OF YOU NOT TO WATCH THE VIDEO IF YOU ARE A FAINT HEARTED PERSON....IT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL HAUNT YOUR MEMORIES FOR SOMETIME AT LEAST...

Then i read what it actually said, and this is what was exactly there in the mail at the bottom of the page:

Please sign, don't watch video its just too painful but we have to try
and stop this brutality. It's about animal rights. But if you must
watch there is a link below.

I explain the process below:
With a hidden camera, animals were filmed being
SKINNED ALIVE!!! They say it's done to get a more
perfect ''cut''.afterwards the carcasses
are tossed into a pile, still alive, and
for up to 10 minutes you can see their hearts still
beating, in agony, their eyes still blinking, and the puppies little
paws still shaking.
There was one pup, that still lifted his head and
gazed at the camera with bloodied eyes . If
you don't care to see the video, please sign and
forward to your friends:
this monstrosity has to be stopped, we have to act!!
Please scroll down and add your signature to the petition and send to
everyone in your address book. Do not click on the link, you have been warned
that it is too gruesome to watch and something needs to done to stop it...
Thanks for your support

There is no need to see the video, but if you must, be aware,
it's horrible. The following video is of excruciating violence. It's
painful silence affects us all deeply. If we don't protect animals from
this type of brutality, we become accomplices
http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.asp


Reading it i felt a little pinch on my heart but it did not trigger any kind of hard thought, so i clicked on the link provided to actually watch it....I haven ever been much of very emotional person who can be moved by just reading something, very few things that i have read around have actually moved me to the point that i felt ashamed and a sense of disgust has filled inside.
I have watched some very barbaric clips, some really gross videos and pics and some really pathetic ones at that, but very few come remotely close to what i have seen here.....it has been the most pathetic experience that i have ever had. To be very frank, after watching this video, i have started to really hate the fact that i am a human and such barbaric act of utmost disgust is being performed by a fellow human.
The video was so horrible that for the first time in my life i actually did not watch it completely....jus closed to the window to a point where i just could not take it anymore...
In My short life i have seen a lot of things that speak of cruelty which is of an extreme in itself...i have watched videos of somebody`s head being chopped off, pics of cannibalism, some extreme pictures of road accidents and a real lot of things which make me put my head down in shame....but most of the times i myself have provided some kind of a justification to that particular act and just have just moved on only to find that there are far more worse realities up front.

I mean really, how can any person be so cold hearted, so cruel, so barbaric, so bloody cheap that can make someone else put their head down in disgust of have actually been a spectator of such a fiendish behavior.Skinning an animal alive is something that have never heard of, let alone having to look at.....and why is this being done, so that some very pathetic people around the world can keep it as a decorative item in their closet.How low can anybody get...the manner in which the poor animal was being beaten up while being skinned is an image that will haunt me for many more days to come.I can not even imagine the plight of animals all round the world that are being slaughtered right now for some or the other reason. with all of this happening and having to remain a mute spectator with very little that i can actually do to help is something that makes me curse myself.
All i could do for now was forward the mail over....someday, somewhr i hope to do something better .....

BOTTOM LINE: LIFE IN WHATEVER FORM, IF TAKEN FOR SPORT OR FUN IS AN UTMOST ACT OF DISGRACE....DO THINK IT OVER AGAIN

Mind is totally screwed....IT TOTALLY SUCKS TO BE ME

I donno man, it has just been a journey from one end to the other end of the world...hypothetically speaking..... I have been imagining a lot of stuffs which are too good or extremely bad to be true....I donno what i think, how some random wandering thoughts just fill my head all of a sudden and when it does enter the damn thing refuses to leave.....It totally drills my mind to the core and it eventually subsides after sometime when i have thought too much about it and still have no answer or the answer that i have is not convincing enough...but still it eventually subsides for a moment to just show that its so fucked up damn mind screwing that always leaves me wondering about the thoughts all over again....i wish i get the answers to possible questions in the future so that i don`t have to go through all of the torture all over again.....The inevitable feeling that i have at the end of it all......IT TOTALLY SUCKS TO BE ME

Clouded

For things to be crystal clear...all it takes is a step forward in making it CLEARER

Wish to find what lies beyond DEATH

An incident which never happened last week has set mind tingling in a dizzy.What if.....These thoughts just keep me occupied for the time that i might end up thinkin that i wish that it would happen for a small time.I want to know what lies on the other side, what is it that still is unknown, what is it that is out there.DEATH is inevitable ,someday somehow it will eventually get to me whether i like it or not.But before that i have this strange want inside that maybe for 5 minutes i wish i could die, i really really do ...if the time could be stretched it is not a problem unless i know i return back, coz there are a lot of things undone here and i don`t intend to leave it that way.I really wish that there could something that happens that would take this life away from from for just a few minutes.....i can only imagine what i might find on the other side, maybe visit a few lost souls, the curiousity that how would your loved ones react to it, maybe find out some truth behind what death actually is, find out if actually there is something call HEAVEN or HELL coz if either one of them is there for me..most probably HELL, then the other one should definitely be there....if there is neither of them, then i guess hell is here, heaven is here, n oderwise....

What if i were there....

Yesterday ...it was a Sunday, n just like any other Sunday woke up without actually wanting to get up.After too many deliberations and much persuasion's from myself woke up with a pain on my lower back n hell like pain on my neck.It was one of those days when the feeling of having the pain actually was very satisfying coz of the way i got it...headbanging at UTSAV, my passion for the last 6 years n still continues to be great going.But, that i not what am writing this blog for.....
After waking up i did what i usually do early in the morning , read the newspaper, starting from the sports column..but this time something on the front page caught my attention...No it was not any gossip, or anything related to politics or sport, it was a tragic story of a guy from Chennai who had come to Bangalore for an adventurous event but ended up losing his life over that.May his soul rest in peace.
Another reason why it caught my attention was the fact that i actually wanted to go there to do the bungee jump,fortunately/unfortunately my college fest was also held at the same time so i did not go to that event.I guess it just was not my time.But, reading this in the papers just intrigues me...WHAT IF I WERE THERE...i mean really, the thought is kind of freaky but yet, what if i were there.I could either be one of the mute spectators of the incident or actually have been the victim of the rather unfortunate incident. This thought just in itself provoked a lot of thoughts in itself....
what if i were the one in there,
what if i were the one on the other end of the rope,
what if it were my legs hanging by those ropes,
what if i were the one who had the fall,
what if i were the one who had died in there....WHAT IF, WHAT IF....
it was just a thought but a thought which did come though....i guess there is still time for me, it was just like one of those incidents where death just whizzed past by me and i was still standing there, lucky, fortunate to live today to die another day....LIFE ROCKS :)

Dazed, confused ,bemused....n what not

Sometimes when the things happening around start to make little sense to you as to why it is happening, that is when the mind which when doing nothing starts to think otherwise.Some thoughts should never enter the mind coz when they do it takes a hell lot of time for them to leave it.
How long does it take for a person to do things that he normally is not used to doing or has never done or never thought he will do.What i am referring to here is ---u never know to what level someone might take a few things in his stride unless actually pushed far so much that it becomes intolerable to actually take it any further.There have been a few things that has come to realisation for the past few weeks and it became much clearer over the last few days.U might expect a lot of things from friends around, being jolly,cheer full, mad,..everything that possibly makes it worth the while to spend time around them. The only thing that does not make the cut here, friends not living up to your expectations of trust n respect.People very seldom realise the value of these coz the fact of the matter is that with friends " EVERYTHING IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED"..more often than not, this does tend to be true and to a very large extent is very cool ,but even the sea`s around the world have limits which when crossed raise a tsunami effect.That is what will happen with the human mind n heart.It will take things to itself as long as long it does not cross the limits.Once crossed it shells out effects never felt before.........it just goes according a phrase that i came up some time ago.........Transcripts from a broken heart, tortured soul and a battered mind always tell a sad story n it is something that should be avoided in the making at all costs.

Hmmmmmmmm

I have no idea y i did that...still doin it tho, jus cannot put a finger on it to reason as to why i did it. I just deleted whatever was left of my profile on orkut that had painstakingly written.I usually put in a lot of effort to make my profile look very nice. I have been appreciated many times in the past for doing so too.Something in me jus did not feel right n i jus went away deleting whatever was left of it.Deleted a lot of communities that i had joined too, it has been reduced to almost half now, with only a few left.I din delete all of it tho, kept a few which i din fell like deleting n prolly if i hav another look at what is left , maybe will get rid of some more.
Someday i will fill my profile again, maybe with the same details that i had filled previously n some new things as well...till then ppl aroun will jus hafta be content with lookin at an empty profile of mine..... :-(

TIME...THOUGHTS...LIFE

LIFE as such is such a wonderful thing in itself.It is like the exam that you will always fail when the feeling of being the topper takes you up and the test that you will always pass knowing he fact the fact that iv just flunked a major exam.everyday in itself is a big fight,fight with ones own self,fight with whole world around me and a constant fight to know what`s next that is in store.Living in a world that has given it`s very fair share of good events, fair share of bad times and a small chunk of worst moments when the feeling that nothing can go wrong begins to rise...that's the newsflash that keeps popping up every now and then. Life has and will always been the roller coaster that will take to me to the top at one moment and then hit me with the fact that there might a fall at any moment.
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.

I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....

Random thoughts

Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to
taking step after step with each passing moment
never knowing what the future holds for u
what is is that ur doing now
y do u do the things u do
is it fate...
is it destiny...
is it what ur meant to do..
is it what ur made to do..
this is the inevitable question that always comes to mind
keeps repeating in itself in a loop
the question refuses to fade away
the voices scream inside like this way
a constant reminder of what i am
a constant reminder of what i do
cuffed in the shackles of my own self
struggling to free the mind
of all these nagging thots
till a day that`l come n say
Move on, take the next step before u
let free ur thots, let free ur mind
let free of whatever ur tryin to hold on
until the time that day may come,
its the thot that comes to mind

Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to...
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to ...


.....@я(_)η™

School alumni meet...

It was my school`s first ALUMNI meet today....Little lilly`s english school, yeah yeah , i know funny name, so what.
It was organized by a very enthusiastic bunch of a few juniors that i don`t know about.Was held at the MLO club, which for the moment is being renovated, no wonder we got to do it over there this time.

I was kinda held back at going to meet coz there were apprehensions about how many people i know would actually turn up for the event n i was in no mood to be left there lingering all alone.Then when i knew that ravi would also turn up, that's when a good feeling a started to fill in also there was hope of a few more people turning up that day.
So we went, along the way i came to know that vinod was also turning up for the meet.
VINOD----he needs no introductions at all, but still,he was a very normal kid at school, donno wht hit him along way during college days that he turned up to be a psycho of sorts....became a major major bookworm, a nerd, a geek n could bug anyone to their ultimate core which was irritating at times but at the same time was happy coz atleast there is someone who knows where he is heading towards...that's all about the turn out from our class.
To make matters not so worse, a guy who a year senior to us had joined up--VENKAT, that was a major major major relief coz i din want to be labelled as among the grand daddy`s of that event out there, coz in fact we were the senior most people at that event till then.
It was kind of a let down at one point because of the turn up that i saw from our class people compared to all the other batch guys that were there was very minuscule.So the whole meet actually was kind of boring coz i expected to meet up with a lot more people out there than did.I guess that's how things are for the moment and that's how things might end up to be also.

It kick started with usually how it has started of all over these years...with a prayer n a classical dance performance by 2 girls from school.....Things have not changed at all, the dance performance was good even though not many people including me were looking at it, just a slight glimpse at it for a a minute or so.
After s few minutes of killing time in a few formalities...There was a lamp lighting ceremony that took place to which actually we were invited to do the honours as were the most senior people out there.....fortunately venkat was there to spare me the blushes.
Then, it was turn for the lectures to get kick started.....Princi at his his usual best, not that he gives a bad lecture or something but it just was that i was in no mood to listen to any of it.since he din`t remember any of the old faces at school, he formally asked everyone out there to give a introduction about themselves....i thot to myself, oh shit no again...its like iv been introducing myself to the whole world out there for the past year and it had got boring.The only difference..this time i had t do it with a mike in hand, infront a decent crowd.When i first uttered hello to the mike i realised that my voice sounds kinda different with a mike...after all the blah blah blah form our side, it was the turn of some more blahs form our princi..
It seems that over the years that have passed by, he has also turned out to be a part time medical practitioner...that was interesting.He gave all of the people seated out there a looooong talk about maintaining good health, its benefits and blah blah blah.....after sometime we actually started to feel sleepy out there coz it was hot, it was humid and a lecture was the last thing we wanted out there.After some time it was the turn of the people seated out there to actually shoot something at every1 else....Vinod as expected did give a speech, something that we could relate to , but also something i did not wanna hear there......he talked about recession, voting rights , about the next election and other stuffs...was the right thing to say but it din sound so good coming out from him coz i knew for a fact that he said the things he said for another reason....But he did say it n actually got the crowd`s attention.....kudos to him for that.

A few more talks later, the food was served...the fact that it was already hot out there made matters only worse coz the food was also kinda spicy....ate some of it, instigated an argument over something that vinod decided to start which i actually fuelled up a bit more.....at the end it was worth the while, caught up at least with someone that i usually don`t and for a change felt nice about the whole thing......hope if at all i turn up for the next gathering, then some more people that i actually know in person turn up....

Wants V/s Needs

This particular title has kinda made a lot of sense to me.

I see a big bike zoom past the roam at amazing speed and it looks damn sexxy.The immediate reaction, i want that bike, but do i reaaly need it...?????????????
Really, what is that u want, what is that u need and finally what is that u get.R u getting the want or getting the need or neither of them or both of them.People are so mixed up with the wants that they neglect what the actually need.Sometimes the wants and the needs are kinda co -incident but only sometimes.It`s just a lust to have more that drives the want.

As an analogy, jus consider this, from a guys point of view, anyone would want a very pretty girl to be his girlfriend, but it is just a want not a need, in reality what is needed is someone who will always be by their side....a friend,a guide , a life...

But people don`t look at it in such manner, do they....The want never dies down n the need takes a beating in search of the eluding want.It is just that the human mind always is in quest of something better even though the one in hand is more than enough.Call it greed, call it a quest,call it lust,call it a search for the best...call it whatever, it is how things have been, it is how things are and even in a million years it is how things will be

Lessons..

There is always a lesson to be learnt form each and every aspect of your day to day life.It might turn up from the least expected part, you might not even know there was something in it for you to take a cue form, but that's how it is, that's how life is ..UNEXPECTED.
Iv been rather amused n sometimes rather confused with the things that go on around.Things that i don`t intend to turn the way they do eventually just inevitable turn up the way they did...reason is pretty obvious n simple...keeping emotions under control is something that i need to learn.I have always been a rugged character, with a kinda over the top temper that i show at things which i never should get pissed off about.But most of the times, when things just don seem to make sense or when things just don`t turn up the way i want them to be i lose it....n its not after some time that i realise that what kind f a dumb fool i have been to have made the same mistake over and over and over.I try my hard not be the person that i don`t want to be....But hey, that's just not the case to be i guess.
most of the times its like i am being the victim of my own temper, of my own rattled up behaviour, a victim of time, a victim of circumstances....being a victim under any situation is just not done i guess....its high time that i stop being the victim, stop being the problem and start being the solution to a problem that i myself have created over and over again.

2 Years of love n still going on great

14th of feb 2009....VALENTINE`s day for some n just noder day for some more.But for me this marks the second anniversary of a nice companionship that has been great and is still a force to reckon with.It was exactly 2 years ago that i found her.She was what i would call the dream of any guy.She was damn sexy the first time i saw her n still has the looks that she had 2 years ago.There has not been an inch of change in size whatsoever, a slight modification in looks but not the slightest of change in size and i am damn sure as hell that that's the way she`l be unless i have some other plans.
I still remember the day i first saw her and it was love at first sight.She was dressed in shiny red and was looking as gorgeous as gorgeous can be.Among all her peers, she is best looking that there can be n still continues to rule the roost in this regard.It took some time for me to get used to her, it was my first time at it and i did not know how to handle her comfortably.It took some time to get used to her.I told all my friends about her and they were all happy and envious about it at the same time and were very eager to meet her.I told them that when i get a bit more comfortable around her, then il introduce her to every1 else.since that day , daily after i returned from college, i used to take her out for a ride.Not very far, jus a small distance, coz it was her first time with me as well.We roamed around for some time n then returned home.I promised her that il take her out again tomorrow for a ride n then came back home.This small meeting of ours continued for almost a week.With every passing day we became more and more comfortable with each other and we sorta connected well.
All of us classmates were supposed to go to wonder la the next day and i thought to myself that it would be a nice time to introduce her to all of my friends.I took her out that night for a ride again and it was wonderful.I din go too far, but the time i spent with her that evening was enough to convince me that we were now ready to face the world head on.So it was decided that il take her out to college the next morning. I got up early the next day , got up n was ready quickly.I told mom that il be taking her out to college and mom like always was not too keen about it.In fact mom never ever wanted us to be together in the first place,it was due to mom that she had been always so near yet so far from me all these years,after persuading mom so much that she finally was okay with me being her at last.I was surprised but was very ecstatic at the same time.Better late than never, i thought to myself.....so that morning, for the first time ever, i took her out for a ride in broad daylight for everyone to see.I was very very nervous that if i screw up then she`l be badly injured and that was something that i could not live with.I told to myself that i can do it and set forth on my journey to college.Along the way there were a few minor hiccups, but nothing i cannot handle.I let those hiccups pass me and continued on my journey.We entered the college premises together and my friends in there were in for a total shock that i had got her to college so soon.I introduced her to everybody and they just drooled at her.Well,i knew they would..she was one sexxy girl.
She had the curves that could put many people around to shame.She looked like an angel in red that she always has on her, has pretty eyes up front and has always been a force to reckon with.She is the one with beauty and also has the brawn to carry it off with.
It`s been two years now and we are still together going on very strong.Has always been there with me through the tough times and the good times.I have always adored her and at times have taken out my frustrations on her too.But, she has always been the same person as i first saw her.
HER NAME IS PULSAR,SHE IS KA04 EY-138 AND SHE IS ALL MINE..... :-)

A New beginning ..a fresh start

Deja Vu

The title has never made much sense to me coz really it never did happen to me.All this time it was just a phrase with a meaning that sounded really very interesting.But as of now, that perception has totally changed, coz DEJA VU just made a lot sense to me now than it ever did.
N what is interesting about this is the fact coz of this i was made aware of the facts that i only assumed all this while.This suddenly hit me like right IN MY FACE, n then the feeling slowly is beginning to sink in.
The year started on a kinda ruff note, continues to be so for some time, then stabilised and now this to rock the cradle with the facts to prove it.....So many things in so little time.
life never got so interesting, so annoying, so indulging, so exciting n definitely not more wanting....N its not even a month to the new year...Wondering what all are the surprises that are still in store for me....Just hoping that all of them are good surprises.

A Tree story

I don`t remember when exactly, maybe it was some 4 yrs ago that i had heard this story on the radio.....i think i had my exams at the time when i had heard it n it really was a very touching story.I hope am able to do justice to what i heard that night...

Well...here goes nothing

This story is about 2 trees, 2 soulmates, 2 bodies who were made for each other.These 2 trees had stood the test of time against all odds of tough weather n changing seasons to stand by each other all the time.They were a happy couple and loved each others company in that warm n serene environment.They were the only two trees in that particular area.It was a very beautiful location by the riverside with pleasant view of the mountains surrounding them.The were very much in love with each other,had been for all the time that they had been together n always knew they will forever be together.

Years rolled by, after some time, with the changing season , times also began to change.The usually calm place saw some activity with a human frequenting it very often.The trees had not seen much of any kinda activity in there and were very curious as to who this person was and what he was trying to do there.Daily he used to come,wander around for some time, pluck fruits from the tree, eat them to to his heart`s content, quench his thirst from d river nearby and then leave.This routine continued for a few days and he did not turn up for a few days after that.The trees were very curious as to what might have happened that he has stopped coming now.
A few days later, he did come back, but this time with a few others as well.It seems like that person owned that place and now wanted to build his home in there.Both the trees were happy to know this as they knew that they will soon have company of this human who seemed like a jolly good fellow.

But their joy was short lived and was about to turn into a night mare.The people who had come with the person who owned the place had come with things that our trees had never seen before.They were shiny, were sharp... part of it was metal and part wood.Before long that they could realise what it was, those people came towards them and after some conversation took all their tools towards the female tree.Before long that our trees could realize what was happening around,those people started to climb up on her n started to cut its branches.She screamed in pain, and with each blow that she took, started to bleed.But the people who were doing this never noticed her blood, could not her her pain,they just went along doing what they were doing.Only her companion could hear this, he was devastated at the mere sight of his love being tortured.He was frustrated, agony filled his heart and it was a time when he felt that he wished he could move....his anger was such that he wanted to rip apart the people who were indulging in such a horrific incident, but jus could not move.Both the trees screamed at the people to let her go,begged them for mercy but their desperate pleas just went unheard, and in very little time all of her branches had come down.She had no hands now,she was cut down to her bare minimum.Tears were rolling down her eyes, blood had filled up the place where she stood,it was the most vulnerable position that she had ever been.Just beside her, her love was constantly screaming, screaming in pain,screaming for help, screaming that his call for help just might be answered,there just might be someone who will come to her rescue....calling for a saviour.Then the unthinkable started to happen,the humans took their axes and started working on her trunk.With every blow that she took, she cried for help even more,she wept even more, she bled even more,the hope in her of living with the person she loved forever started to fade away,she wept blood out of her eyes....But all her pain could only be felt by her man next to her who was as much in agony as she was.He was looking at his love being taken her away from her with him being able to do absolutely nothing.He was just a mute spectator to the massacre that was happening before him.Finally her misery was put to an end with one final blow to the point where she could take it no longer,she came tumbling down,her pain ended and she lied there lifeless....no more a tree with life, no more could she breathe, no more could she live, just lay there a piece of log.
Just next to her stood in extreme pain, her partner who just could not do anything, his heart filled with extreme pain,his mind was tortured at the sight of what he saw, his soul devastated...he was disgusted with his helplessness and wanted to live no more.Just wished that he would die the next moment.Was, also hoping that these people who had just taken the love of his life away from him also would kill him.But, it just was not the case to be...those people took her lifeless body away and left him in all loneliness.He hoped that in course of time, his misery will also be put to an end.

As the days passed by, a house was being constructed nearby..he noticed that the humans who took her body,were giving it different shapes and used it decorate their place.The very sight of it increased his pain.But deep inside, he hoped that his turn to join her in the heavens will come very soon.
Unfortunately for him, the human had decided that the tree standing in front of his house would be a nice view to look at and decided to let him live...Live the life in solitude, in loneliness...Unaware of this,he just waited, waited in hope of meeting his lost soulmate in the heavens, in hope of putting an end to his misery, in hope, in anticipation of something that just was not what was going to be happening, in the hope to die.....

What exactly is going on....

This is the question that i`v been putting to myself for almost 2 weeks now....REALLY, what the fuck is going on.Things just don`t seem to be right.It`s like am in an alternate universe in itself.Things that am hardly used to see, am looking at them with utmost despair....wish things had turneed out differently than they did....

This is the reason y.....

He is this dude who has taken life with utmost care so that life does not screw him back...n how is this done, by taking things as lightly as light can be.Y SO SERIOUS...the joker said n prolly this term is almost applicable to him, being serious and this guy have never gone hand in hand for a long time......well atleast thats what i had thought.
There are always lessons to be learnt, n some the hard way....this has just been one of those times where being serious and him have been best friends.

Here goes nothing....
He had imagined all his life with 1 girl who`m he knew would never be with....very ironic,buts that's how his things have been.And rightly so , things that he had imagined turned out to be true...but at a very acceptable pace, not much hue n cry over it.But, things were not as as simple as it seems,what he thought was ready for, turned out to be a total farce.It was one of those times that he realised that how wrong he has been about himself....He was the one who had thought that his heart could never break, now he knows that it was one big mistake.
But he will never give in to pressure, never will give up on life, on love n will always refuse to die...i hope am right.
Maybe this is just the right time to update details about what he thinks he is...this is indeed an irony in itself.

As if this was not enduring enough, his very good friend for a reason what he thinks is justifiable but for a very strange reason is ignoring him....ppl don`t mind a lot of things , but SOME HATE TO BE IGNORED...maybe these are just my fears taking over but the situation as such concludes to this direction only....Really hoping desperately that things are proved otherwise...else a lot of things that he has believed in will come down falling even heavily than the fall of the twin towers.

There are good times, then are bad times....people go trough it always and some instances wud need help to let that phase pass thru...this dude here never would have thought that there might come a time where he would actually be on the other side of the fence seeking help.

HIS ETERNAL BELIEF : Friends have always been there and those trusted ones will continue to be there no matter what, but the idea of seeking help just does not seem to be him.Coz he has always done things on his own and in due course of time will continue to do so...this will be the eternal fact.But, everyone needs help at some or the other point in life and this was a time that even he needed help.He had this fear inside, the fear to stretch his arms for help from people who are near, who can and will help even without asking, but the thought of asking for help just does not seem to right.After a gruelling fight within himself, he did stretch for help, but for a fact knew that the best friend he is telling his troubles to will not be able to do anything even though she wants to....that`s another ironic fact, and that is just something that will have to live with.

N i really hope that for his own good, hie tryst with seriousness breaks up very soon.....

LIFE.....

Life has just been going from one door to another, in search of something that is totally unknown,you have something in front of you that you know is good but still the persuit of the better just never stops.

In the pathway between one door to another lies many windows, these are the windows of opportunities.....U take the right window at the right time and make the most of it, life will just be better that ever, or else life will screw you back making it as miserable as it can be.
I have been walkin this life passing from one door to another with very little aim as to what i want, very little ambition and very little hope of finding the best.

It has just been taking things the way they come, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is still far away, just live the life for today.....sounds very simple , doesn`t it.But, It is just not the way it seems, because in the time between yesterday and tomorrow, the TODAY holds the key to a lot of things.Today holds the key for tomorrow.Use the right keys at the right times and path leading to tomorrow will be as pleasant as possible, but holding on to yesterday will make today just not how u thought of it yesterday.I am today because of what i did yesterday and i will be tomorrow because of what i will do today....this cycle will continue till the last breath that i take, till the day life will say i can`t take any more tomorrows, until then, this journey continues.....

Another year....and so it goes on

yoooohooo...a new year is finally upon us...but for people like me, tis jus noder day with jus a chnage in number, not anything extravagant or special about it tho....jus the usual stuffs of wishing anybody and everybody that i bump inot wishing a very happy new year......i try to make resolutions and hardly try to keep up those resolutions that i make....i guess with another year comea another set of resolutions, another set of broken, compromised and un fulfilled set of resolutions....the only differnce is that this time around, am actually writing it down somewhr...

1) Go to gym, n hopefully get another bakra to tag along with me ;-)....NO TIME TO GO, SO THIS RESOLUTION MITE JUS OFFICIALLY BE VOID
2)Atleast put on 10 kilos of extra weight, being a skinny character is just not done....y coz when aamir "old man" khan can have such a body.....so the bloody fuck can "I"
3)Hopefully n most definitely do the stuff that i have never been able do,...not gonna put it on paper tho...DONE
4)My long cherished wish of having my hair long.....jus hoping that am not goaded to have a hair cut for a very looooooooong time.
5)Be more able in the technical stuffs so that i don`t screw up at work.... :-p
6)Try to make sure that i don get angry at very little stuffs
7)Be the dude that i have always been....
8)Most importantly......DON B SERIOUS....


Wish all the people out there a very happy new year... :)
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For some strange reason i have decided to update this blog once my resolutions are met.......one by one
Objective number 3 achieved.....din fulfill the cause,but still achieved none the less.....n IT IS NOT NONSENSE...it never was