Sunday, April 26, 2009
Mind is totally screwed....IT TOTALLY SUCKS TO BE ME
I donno man, it has just been a journey from one end to the other end of the world...hypothetically speaking..... I have been imagining a lot of stuffs which are too good or extremely bad to be true....I donno what i think, how some random wandering thoughts just fill my head all of a sudden and when it does enter the damn thing refuses to leave.....It totally drills my mind to the core and it eventually subsides after sometime when i have thought too much about it and still have no answer or the answer that i have is not convincing enough...but still it eventually subsides for a moment to just show that its so fucked up damn mind screwing that always leaves me wondering about the thoughts all over again....i wish i get the answers to possible questions in the future so that i don`t have to go through all of the torture all over again.....The inevitable feeling that i have at the end of it all......IT TOTALLY SUCKS TO BE ME
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wish to find what lies beyond DEATH
An incident which never happened last week has set mind tingling in a dizzy.What if.....These thoughts just keep me occupied for the time that i might end up thinkin that i wish that it would happen for a small time.I want to know what lies on the other side, what is it that still is unknown, what is it that is out there.DEATH is inevitable ,someday somehow it will eventually get to me whether i like it or not.But before that i have this strange want inside that maybe for 5 minutes i wish i could die, i really really do ...if the time could be stretched it is not a problem unless i know i return back, coz there are a lot of things undone here and i don`t intend to leave it that way.I really wish that there could something that happens that would take this life away from from for just a few minutes.....i can only imagine what i might find on the other side, maybe visit a few lost souls, the curiousity that how would your loved ones react to it, maybe find out some truth behind what death actually is, find out if actually there is something call HEAVEN or HELL coz if either one of them is there for me..most probably HELL, then the other one should definitely be there....if there is neither of them, then i guess hell is here, heaven is here, n oderwise....
Monday, April 13, 2009
What if i were there....
Yesterday ...it was a Sunday, n just like any other Sunday woke up without actually wanting to get up.After too many deliberations and much persuasion's from myself woke up with a pain on my lower back n hell like pain on my neck.It was one of those days when the feeling of having the pain actually was very satisfying coz of the way i got it...headbanging at UTSAV, my passion for the last 6 years n still continues to be great going.But, that i not what am writing this blog for.....
After waking up i did what i usually do early in the morning , read the newspaper, starting from the sports column..but this time something on the front page caught my attention...No it was not any gossip, or anything related to politics or sport, it was a tragic story of a guy from Chennai who had come to Bangalore for an adventurous event but ended up losing his life over that.May his soul rest in peace.
Another reason why it caught my attention was the fact that i actually wanted to go there to do the bungee jump,fortunately/unfortunately my college fest was also held at the same time so i did not go to that event.I guess it just was not my time.But, reading this in the papers just intrigues me...WHAT IF I WERE THERE...i mean really, the thought is kind of freaky but yet, what if i were there.I could either be one of the mute spectators of the incident or actually have been the victim of the rather unfortunate incident. This thought just in itself provoked a lot of thoughts in itself....
what if i were the one in there,
what if i were the one on the other end of the rope,
what if it were my legs hanging by those ropes,
what if i were the one who had the fall,
what if i were the one who had died in there....WHAT IF, WHAT IF....
it was just a thought but a thought which did come though....i guess there is still time for me, it was just like one of those incidents where death just whizzed past by me and i was still standing there, lucky, fortunate to live today to die another day....LIFE ROCKS :)
After waking up i did what i usually do early in the morning , read the newspaper, starting from the sports column..but this time something on the front page caught my attention...No it was not any gossip, or anything related to politics or sport, it was a tragic story of a guy from Chennai who had come to Bangalore for an adventurous event but ended up losing his life over that.May his soul rest in peace.
Another reason why it caught my attention was the fact that i actually wanted to go there to do the bungee jump,fortunately/unfortunately my college fest was also held at the same time so i did not go to that event.I guess it just was not my time.But, reading this in the papers just intrigues me...WHAT IF I WERE THERE...i mean really, the thought is kind of freaky but yet, what if i were there.I could either be one of the mute spectators of the incident or actually have been the victim of the rather unfortunate incident. This thought just in itself provoked a lot of thoughts in itself....
what if i were the one in there,
what if i were the one on the other end of the rope,
what if it were my legs hanging by those ropes,
what if i were the one who had the fall,
what if i were the one who had died in there....WHAT IF, WHAT IF....
it was just a thought but a thought which did come though....i guess there is still time for me, it was just like one of those incidents where death just whizzed past by me and i was still standing there, lucky, fortunate to live today to die another day....LIFE ROCKS :)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Dazed, confused ,bemused....n what not
Sometimes when the things happening around start to make little sense to you as to why it is happening, that is when the mind which when doing nothing starts to think otherwise.Some thoughts should never enter the mind coz when they do it takes a hell lot of time for them to leave it.
How long does it take for a person to do things that he normally is not used to doing or has never done or never thought he will do.What i am referring to here is ---u never know to what level someone might take a few things in his stride unless actually pushed far so much that it becomes intolerable to actually take it any further.There have been a few things that has come to realisation for the past few weeks and it became much clearer over the last few days.U might expect a lot of things from friends around, being jolly,cheer full, mad,..everything that possibly makes it worth the while to spend time around them. The only thing that does not make the cut here, friends not living up to your expectations of trust n respect.People very seldom realise the value of these coz the fact of the matter is that with friends " EVERYTHING IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED"..more often than not, this does tend to be true and to a very large extent is very cool ,but even the sea`s around the world have limits which when crossed raise a tsunami effect.That is what will happen with the human mind n heart.It will take things to itself as long as long it does not cross the limits.Once crossed it shells out effects never felt before.........it just goes according a phrase that i came up some time ago.........Transcripts from a broken heart, tortured soul and a battered mind always tell a sad story n it is something that should be avoided in the making at all costs.
How long does it take for a person to do things that he normally is not used to doing or has never done or never thought he will do.What i am referring to here is ---u never know to what level someone might take a few things in his stride unless actually pushed far so much that it becomes intolerable to actually take it any further.There have been a few things that has come to realisation for the past few weeks and it became much clearer over the last few days.U might expect a lot of things from friends around, being jolly,cheer full, mad,..everything that possibly makes it worth the while to spend time around them. The only thing that does not make the cut here, friends not living up to your expectations of trust n respect.People very seldom realise the value of these coz the fact of the matter is that with friends " EVERYTHING IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED"..more often than not, this does tend to be true and to a very large extent is very cool ,but even the sea`s around the world have limits which when crossed raise a tsunami effect.That is what will happen with the human mind n heart.It will take things to itself as long as long it does not cross the limits.Once crossed it shells out effects never felt before.........it just goes according a phrase that i came up some time ago.........Transcripts from a broken heart, tortured soul and a battered mind always tell a sad story n it is something that should be avoided in the making at all costs.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Hmmmmmmmm
I have no idea y i did that...still doin it tho, jus cannot put a finger on it to reason as to why i did it. I just deleted whatever was left of my profile on orkut that had painstakingly written.I usually put in a lot of effort to make my profile look very nice. I have been appreciated many times in the past for doing so too.Something in me jus did not feel right n i jus went away deleting whatever was left of it.Deleted a lot of communities that i had joined too, it has been reduced to almost half now, with only a few left.I din delete all of it tho, kept a few which i din fell like deleting n prolly if i hav another look at what is left , maybe will get rid of some more.
Someday i will fill my profile again, maybe with the same details that i had filled previously n some new things as well...till then ppl aroun will jus hafta be content with lookin at an empty profile of mine..... :-(
Someday i will fill my profile again, maybe with the same details that i had filled previously n some new things as well...till then ppl aroun will jus hafta be content with lookin at an empty profile of mine..... :-(
Friday, March 20, 2009
TIME...THOUGHTS...LIFE
LIFE as such is such a wonderful thing in itself.It is like the exam that you will always fail when the feeling of being the topper takes you up and the test that you will always pass knowing he fact the fact that iv just flunked a major exam.everyday in itself is a big fight,fight with ones own self,fight with whole world around me and a constant fight to know what`s next that is in store.Living in a world that has given it`s very fair share of good events, fair share of bad times and a small chunk of worst moments when the feeling that nothing can go wrong begins to rise...that's the newsflash that keeps popping up every now and then. Life has and will always been the roller coaster that will take to me to the top at one moment and then hit me with the fact that there might a fall at any moment.
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
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