I have no idea y i did that...still doin it tho, jus cannot put a finger on it to reason as to why i did it. I just deleted whatever was left of my profile on orkut that had painstakingly written.I usually put in a lot of effort to make my profile look very nice. I have been appreciated many times in the past for doing so too.Something in me jus did not feel right n i jus went away deleting whatever was left of it.Deleted a lot of communities that i had joined too, it has been reduced to almost half now, with only a few left.I din delete all of it tho, kept a few which i din fell like deleting n prolly if i hav another look at what is left , maybe will get rid of some more.
Someday i will fill my profile again, maybe with the same details that i had filled previously n some new things as well...till then ppl aroun will jus hafta be content with lookin at an empty profile of mine..... :-(
Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
TIME...THOUGHTS...LIFE
LIFE as such is such a wonderful thing in itself.It is like the exam that you will always fail when the feeling of being the topper takes you up and the test that you will always pass knowing he fact the fact that iv just flunked a major exam.everyday in itself is a big fight,fight with ones own self,fight with whole world around me and a constant fight to know what`s next that is in store.Living in a world that has given it`s very fair share of good events, fair share of bad times and a small chunk of worst moments when the feeling that nothing can go wrong begins to rise...that's the newsflash that keeps popping up every now and then. Life has and will always been the roller coaster that will take to me to the top at one moment and then hit me with the fact that there might a fall at any moment.
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Random thoughts
Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to
taking step after step with each passing moment
never knowing what the future holds for u
what is is that ur doing now
y do u do the things u do
is it fate...
is it destiny...
is it what ur meant to do..
is it what ur made to do..
this is the inevitable question that always comes to mind
keeps repeating in itself in a loop
the question refuses to fade away
the voices scream inside like this way
a constant reminder of what i am
a constant reminder of what i do
cuffed in the shackles of my own self
struggling to free the mind
of all these nagging thots
till a day that`l come n say
Move on, take the next step before u
let free ur thots, let free ur mind
let free of whatever ur tryin to hold on
until the time that day may come,
its the thot that comes to mind
Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to...
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to ...
.....@я(_)η™
Sunday, March 1, 2009
School alumni meet...
It was my school`s first ALUMNI meet today....Little lilly`s english school, yeah yeah , i know funny name, so what.
It was organized by a very enthusiastic bunch of a few juniors that i don`t know about.Was held at the MLO club, which for the moment is being renovated, no wonder we got to do it over there this time.
I was kinda held back at going to meet coz there were apprehensions about how many people i know would actually turn up for the event n i was in no mood to be left there lingering all alone.Then when i knew that ravi would also turn up, that's when a good feeling a started to fill in also there was hope of a few more people turning up that day.
So we went, along the way i came to know that vinod was also turning up for the meet.
VINOD----he needs no introductions at all, but still,he was a very normal kid at school, donno wht hit him along way during college days that he turned up to be a psycho of sorts....became a major major bookworm, a nerd, a geek n could bug anyone to their ultimate core which was irritating at times but at the same time was happy coz atleast there is someone who knows where he is heading towards...that's all about the turn out from our class.
To make matters not so worse, a guy who a year senior to us had joined up--VENKAT, that was a major major major relief coz i din want to be labelled as among the grand daddy`s of that event out there, coz in fact we were the senior most people at that event till then.
It was kind of a let down at one point because of the turn up that i saw from our class people compared to all the other batch guys that were there was very minuscule.So the whole meet actually was kind of boring coz i expected to meet up with a lot more people out there than did.I guess that's how things are for the moment and that's how things might end up to be also.
It kick started with usually how it has started of all over these years...with a prayer n a classical dance performance by 2 girls from school.....Things have not changed at all, the dance performance was good even though not many people including me were looking at it, just a slight glimpse at it for a a minute or so.
After s few minutes of killing time in a few formalities...There was a lamp lighting ceremony that took place to which actually we were invited to do the honours as were the most senior people out there.....fortunately venkat was there to spare me the blushes.
Then, it was turn for the lectures to get kick started.....Princi at his his usual best, not that he gives a bad lecture or something but it just was that i was in no mood to listen to any of it.since he din`t remember any of the old faces at school, he formally asked everyone out there to give a introduction about themselves....i thot to myself, oh shit no again...its like iv been introducing myself to the whole world out there for the past year and it had got boring.The only difference..this time i had t do it with a mike in hand, infront a decent crowd.When i first uttered hello to the mike i realised that my voice sounds kinda different with a mike...after all the blah blah blah form our side, it was the turn of some more blahs form our princi..
It seems that over the years that have passed by, he has also turned out to be a part time medical practitioner...that was interesting.He gave all of the people seated out there a looooong talk about maintaining good health, its benefits and blah blah blah.....after sometime we actually started to feel sleepy out there coz it was hot, it was humid and a lecture was the last thing we wanted out there.After some time it was the turn of the people seated out there to actually shoot something at every1 else....Vinod as expected did give a speech, something that we could relate to , but also something i did not wanna hear there......he talked about recession, voting rights , about the next election and other stuffs...was the right thing to say but it din sound so good coming out from him coz i knew for a fact that he said the things he said for another reason....But he did say it n actually got the crowd`s attention.....kudos to him for that.
A few more talks later, the food was served...the fact that it was already hot out there made matters only worse coz the food was also kinda spicy....ate some of it, instigated an argument over something that vinod decided to start which i actually fuelled up a bit more.....at the end it was worth the while, caught up at least with someone that i usually don`t and for a change felt nice about the whole thing......hope if at all i turn up for the next gathering, then some more people that i actually know in person turn up....
It was organized by a very enthusiastic bunch of a few juniors that i don`t know about.Was held at the MLO club, which for the moment is being renovated, no wonder we got to do it over there this time.
I was kinda held back at going to meet coz there were apprehensions about how many people i know would actually turn up for the event n i was in no mood to be left there lingering all alone.Then when i knew that ravi would also turn up, that's when a good feeling a started to fill in also there was hope of a few more people turning up that day.
So we went, along the way i came to know that vinod was also turning up for the meet.
VINOD----he needs no introductions at all, but still,he was a very normal kid at school, donno wht hit him along way during college days that he turned up to be a psycho of sorts....became a major major bookworm, a nerd, a geek n could bug anyone to their ultimate core which was irritating at times but at the same time was happy coz atleast there is someone who knows where he is heading towards...that's all about the turn out from our class.
To make matters not so worse, a guy who a year senior to us had joined up--VENKAT, that was a major major major relief coz i din want to be labelled as among the grand daddy`s of that event out there, coz in fact we were the senior most people at that event till then.
It was kind of a let down at one point because of the turn up that i saw from our class people compared to all the other batch guys that were there was very minuscule.So the whole meet actually was kind of boring coz i expected to meet up with a lot more people out there than did.I guess that's how things are for the moment and that's how things might end up to be also.
It kick started with usually how it has started of all over these years...with a prayer n a classical dance performance by 2 girls from school.....Things have not changed at all, the dance performance was good even though not many people including me were looking at it, just a slight glimpse at it for a a minute or so.
After s few minutes of killing time in a few formalities...There was a lamp lighting ceremony that took place to which actually we were invited to do the honours as were the most senior people out there.....fortunately venkat was there to spare me the blushes.
Then, it was turn for the lectures to get kick started.....Princi at his his usual best, not that he gives a bad lecture or something but it just was that i was in no mood to listen to any of it.since he din`t remember any of the old faces at school, he formally asked everyone out there to give a introduction about themselves....i thot to myself, oh shit no again...its like iv been introducing myself to the whole world out there for the past year and it had got boring.The only difference..this time i had t do it with a mike in hand, infront a decent crowd.When i first uttered hello to the mike i realised that my voice sounds kinda different with a mike...after all the blah blah blah form our side, it was the turn of some more blahs form our princi..
It seems that over the years that have passed by, he has also turned out to be a part time medical practitioner...that was interesting.He gave all of the people seated out there a looooong talk about maintaining good health, its benefits and blah blah blah.....after sometime we actually started to feel sleepy out there coz it was hot, it was humid and a lecture was the last thing we wanted out there.After some time it was the turn of the people seated out there to actually shoot something at every1 else....Vinod as expected did give a speech, something that we could relate to , but also something i did not wanna hear there......he talked about recession, voting rights , about the next election and other stuffs...was the right thing to say but it din sound so good coming out from him coz i knew for a fact that he said the things he said for another reason....But he did say it n actually got the crowd`s attention.....kudos to him for that.
A few more talks later, the food was served...the fact that it was already hot out there made matters only worse coz the food was also kinda spicy....ate some of it, instigated an argument over something that vinod decided to start which i actually fuelled up a bit more.....at the end it was worth the while, caught up at least with someone that i usually don`t and for a change felt nice about the whole thing......hope if at all i turn up for the next gathering, then some more people that i actually know in person turn up....
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