I have no idea y i did that...still doin it tho, jus cannot put a finger on it to reason as to why i did it. I just deleted whatever was left of my profile on orkut that had painstakingly written.I usually put in a lot of effort to make my profile look very nice. I have been appreciated many times in the past for doing so too.Something in me jus did not feel right n i jus went away deleting whatever was left of it.Deleted a lot of communities that i had joined too, it has been reduced to almost half now, with only a few left.I din delete all of it tho, kept a few which i din fell like deleting n prolly if i hav another look at what is left , maybe will get rid of some more.
Someday i will fill my profile again, maybe with the same details that i had filled previously n some new things as well...till then ppl aroun will jus hafta be content with lookin at an empty profile of mine..... :-(
Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
TIME...THOUGHTS...LIFE
LIFE as such is such a wonderful thing in itself.It is like the exam that you will always fail when the feeling of being the topper takes you up and the test that you will always pass knowing he fact the fact that iv just flunked a major exam.everyday in itself is a big fight,fight with ones own self,fight with whole world around me and a constant fight to know what`s next that is in store.Living in a world that has given it`s very fair share of good events, fair share of bad times and a small chunk of worst moments when the feeling that nothing can go wrong begins to rise...that's the newsflash that keeps popping up every now and then. Life has and will always been the roller coaster that will take to me to the top at one moment and then hit me with the fact that there might a fall at any moment.
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
I have this major bad habit of taking things too lightly when it should not be, taking things too seriously when they should not be and constantly thinkin about stuffs which will make things jus get deeper and deeper into a deep abyss.There are just way too many things that keep just repeat in itself every time i don`t want to think about it.Blogging has made things a bit more relaxed, a bit more subtle with reactions that i might give , but typin stuffs in random without giving it much thought and reading it just leads to one thing...deleting lines that i wonder why i`v typed in the first place.There are instances that when i feel i should shout out the things that just keep me in a state of mindlessness, but somethings are better left alone, better left untold, better be just inside.My hand constantly feels this itchiness to keep writing stuffs that my heart says , but then later while again reading what iv just written my mind takes over n deletes the stuffs that were just etched out....Some personal stuffs are better left to be personal i suppose.
The feeling of my pride taken a beating will remain, so will the hurt n then everything will pass by like a silent breeze which just managed to rake up a storm in between.A very good friend of mine had once told that TIME HEALS EVERYTHING...a true reality...it does...it heals everything but leaves a lasting scar deep inside that sometimes comes back from the memories of my past to keep me haunted towards looking at the future.when i take a look back at my past, i see myself constantly juggling with idea of being from a nobody to a somebody, n the juggle just continues.
Fortunately/unfortunately for me time knows only one direction to follow....that is a way forward irrespective of the consequences of what might be the future, not withstanding the realms of the past.FORTUNATE-coz that's what keeps me goin lookin for a better tomorrow with hope that it might be better than today.UNFORTUNATE-coz there are a million things that i wish i could change about myself,the things that i did.Coz at the end of the day even if i may fail to accept it , i do regret a lot of the things that i hav done in the past and i would think very little to undo the wrongs of my past, hoping to change my present and in due time my future as well.
I am still left with the thoughts that my heart sez to shout it out but as consciousness has begun to kick in, the sense of saneness also returns.The thoughts will not evade away but the words etched in here sure will.My fingers still have this unusual itch to type things but the mind refuses to co-operate, a sense of blankness is beginning to fill in....maybe it`s also coz i need to be sleeping in sometime and with time not waiting,after the smoke has cleared i still hope for a better tomorrow....hoping for life to smile upon me.....like the heading sez.....TIME, it will surely be mine someday....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Random thoughts
Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to
taking step after step with each passing moment
never knowing what the future holds for u
what is is that ur doing now
y do u do the things u do
is it fate...
is it destiny...
is it what ur meant to do..
is it what ur made to do..
this is the inevitable question that always comes to mind
keeps repeating in itself in a loop
the question refuses to fade away
the voices scream inside like this way
a constant reminder of what i am
a constant reminder of what i do
cuffed in the shackles of my own self
struggling to free the mind
of all these nagging thots
till a day that`l come n say
Move on, take the next step before u
let free ur thots, let free ur mind
let free of whatever ur tryin to hold on
until the time that day may come,
its the thot that comes to mind
Ever wondered,whr the life is headed to...
whr the path that ur walkin on will take u to ...
.....@я(_)η™
Sunday, March 1, 2009
School alumni meet...
It was my school`s first ALUMNI meet today....Little lilly`s english school, yeah yeah , i know funny name, so what.
It was organized by a very enthusiastic bunch of a few juniors that i don`t know about.Was held at the MLO club, which for the moment is being renovated, no wonder we got to do it over there this time.
I was kinda held back at going to meet coz there were apprehensions about how many people i know would actually turn up for the event n i was in no mood to be left there lingering all alone.Then when i knew that ravi would also turn up, that's when a good feeling a started to fill in also there was hope of a few more people turning up that day.
So we went, along the way i came to know that vinod was also turning up for the meet.
VINOD----he needs no introductions at all, but still,he was a very normal kid at school, donno wht hit him along way during college days that he turned up to be a psycho of sorts....became a major major bookworm, a nerd, a geek n could bug anyone to their ultimate core which was irritating at times but at the same time was happy coz atleast there is someone who knows where he is heading towards...that's all about the turn out from our class.
To make matters not so worse, a guy who a year senior to us had joined up--VENKAT, that was a major major major relief coz i din want to be labelled as among the grand daddy`s of that event out there, coz in fact we were the senior most people at that event till then.
It was kind of a let down at one point because of the turn up that i saw from our class people compared to all the other batch guys that were there was very minuscule.So the whole meet actually was kind of boring coz i expected to meet up with a lot more people out there than did.I guess that's how things are for the moment and that's how things might end up to be also.
It kick started with usually how it has started of all over these years...with a prayer n a classical dance performance by 2 girls from school.....Things have not changed at all, the dance performance was good even though not many people including me were looking at it, just a slight glimpse at it for a a minute or so.
After s few minutes of killing time in a few formalities...There was a lamp lighting ceremony that took place to which actually we were invited to do the honours as were the most senior people out there.....fortunately venkat was there to spare me the blushes.
Then, it was turn for the lectures to get kick started.....Princi at his his usual best, not that he gives a bad lecture or something but it just was that i was in no mood to listen to any of it.since he din`t remember any of the old faces at school, he formally asked everyone out there to give a introduction about themselves....i thot to myself, oh shit no again...its like iv been introducing myself to the whole world out there for the past year and it had got boring.The only difference..this time i had t do it with a mike in hand, infront a decent crowd.When i first uttered hello to the mike i realised that my voice sounds kinda different with a mike...after all the blah blah blah form our side, it was the turn of some more blahs form our princi..
It seems that over the years that have passed by, he has also turned out to be a part time medical practitioner...that was interesting.He gave all of the people seated out there a looooong talk about maintaining good health, its benefits and blah blah blah.....after sometime we actually started to feel sleepy out there coz it was hot, it was humid and a lecture was the last thing we wanted out there.After some time it was the turn of the people seated out there to actually shoot something at every1 else....Vinod as expected did give a speech, something that we could relate to , but also something i did not wanna hear there......he talked about recession, voting rights , about the next election and other stuffs...was the right thing to say but it din sound so good coming out from him coz i knew for a fact that he said the things he said for another reason....But he did say it n actually got the crowd`s attention.....kudos to him for that.
A few more talks later, the food was served...the fact that it was already hot out there made matters only worse coz the food was also kinda spicy....ate some of it, instigated an argument over something that vinod decided to start which i actually fuelled up a bit more.....at the end it was worth the while, caught up at least with someone that i usually don`t and for a change felt nice about the whole thing......hope if at all i turn up for the next gathering, then some more people that i actually know in person turn up....
It was organized by a very enthusiastic bunch of a few juniors that i don`t know about.Was held at the MLO club, which for the moment is being renovated, no wonder we got to do it over there this time.
I was kinda held back at going to meet coz there were apprehensions about how many people i know would actually turn up for the event n i was in no mood to be left there lingering all alone.Then when i knew that ravi would also turn up, that's when a good feeling a started to fill in also there was hope of a few more people turning up that day.
So we went, along the way i came to know that vinod was also turning up for the meet.
VINOD----he needs no introductions at all, but still,he was a very normal kid at school, donno wht hit him along way during college days that he turned up to be a psycho of sorts....became a major major bookworm, a nerd, a geek n could bug anyone to their ultimate core which was irritating at times but at the same time was happy coz atleast there is someone who knows where he is heading towards...that's all about the turn out from our class.
To make matters not so worse, a guy who a year senior to us had joined up--VENKAT, that was a major major major relief coz i din want to be labelled as among the grand daddy`s of that event out there, coz in fact we were the senior most people at that event till then.
It was kind of a let down at one point because of the turn up that i saw from our class people compared to all the other batch guys that were there was very minuscule.So the whole meet actually was kind of boring coz i expected to meet up with a lot more people out there than did.I guess that's how things are for the moment and that's how things might end up to be also.
It kick started with usually how it has started of all over these years...with a prayer n a classical dance performance by 2 girls from school.....Things have not changed at all, the dance performance was good even though not many people including me were looking at it, just a slight glimpse at it for a a minute or so.
After s few minutes of killing time in a few formalities...There was a lamp lighting ceremony that took place to which actually we were invited to do the honours as were the most senior people out there.....fortunately venkat was there to spare me the blushes.
Then, it was turn for the lectures to get kick started.....Princi at his his usual best, not that he gives a bad lecture or something but it just was that i was in no mood to listen to any of it.since he din`t remember any of the old faces at school, he formally asked everyone out there to give a introduction about themselves....i thot to myself, oh shit no again...its like iv been introducing myself to the whole world out there for the past year and it had got boring.The only difference..this time i had t do it with a mike in hand, infront a decent crowd.When i first uttered hello to the mike i realised that my voice sounds kinda different with a mike...after all the blah blah blah form our side, it was the turn of some more blahs form our princi..
It seems that over the years that have passed by, he has also turned out to be a part time medical practitioner...that was interesting.He gave all of the people seated out there a looooong talk about maintaining good health, its benefits and blah blah blah.....after sometime we actually started to feel sleepy out there coz it was hot, it was humid and a lecture was the last thing we wanted out there.After some time it was the turn of the people seated out there to actually shoot something at every1 else....Vinod as expected did give a speech, something that we could relate to , but also something i did not wanna hear there......he talked about recession, voting rights , about the next election and other stuffs...was the right thing to say but it din sound so good coming out from him coz i knew for a fact that he said the things he said for another reason....But he did say it n actually got the crowd`s attention.....kudos to him for that.
A few more talks later, the food was served...the fact that it was already hot out there made matters only worse coz the food was also kinda spicy....ate some of it, instigated an argument over something that vinod decided to start which i actually fuelled up a bit more.....at the end it was worth the while, caught up at least with someone that i usually don`t and for a change felt nice about the whole thing......hope if at all i turn up for the next gathering, then some more people that i actually know in person turn up....
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wants V/s Needs
This particular title has kinda made a lot of sense to me.
I see a big bike zoom past the roam at amazing speed and it looks damn sexxy.The immediate reaction, i want that bike, but do i reaaly need it...?????????????
Really, what is that u want, what is that u need and finally what is that u get.R u getting the want or getting the need or neither of them or both of them.People are so mixed up with the wants that they neglect what the actually need.Sometimes the wants and the needs are kinda co -incident but only sometimes.It`s just a lust to have more that drives the want.
As an analogy, jus consider this, from a guys point of view, anyone would want a very pretty girl to be his girlfriend, but it is just a want not a need, in reality what is needed is someone who will always be by their side....a friend,a guide , a life...
But people don`t look at it in such manner, do they....The want never dies down n the need takes a beating in search of the eluding want.It is just that the human mind always is in quest of something better even though the one in hand is more than enough.Call it greed, call it a quest,call it lust,call it a search for the best...call it whatever, it is how things have been, it is how things are and even in a million years it is how things will be
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Lessons..
There is always a lesson to be learnt form each and every aspect of your day to day life.It might turn up from the least expected part, you might not even know there was something in it for you to take a cue form, but that's how it is, that's how life is ..UNEXPECTED.
Iv been rather amused n sometimes rather confused with the things that go on around.Things that i don`t intend to turn the way they do eventually just inevitable turn up the way they did...reason is pretty obvious n simple...keeping emotions under control is something that i need to learn.I have always been a rugged character, with a kinda over the top temper that i show at things which i never should get pissed off about.But most of the times, when things just don seem to make sense or when things just don`t turn up the way i want them to be i lose it....n its not after some time that i realise that what kind f a dumb fool i have been to have made the same mistake over and over and over.I try my hard not be the person that i don`t want to be....But hey, that's just not the case to be i guess.
most of the times its like i am being the victim of my own temper, of my own rattled up behaviour, a victim of time, a victim of circumstances....being a victim under any situation is just not done i guess....its high time that i stop being the victim, stop being the problem and start being the solution to a problem that i myself have created over and over again.
Iv been rather amused n sometimes rather confused with the things that go on around.Things that i don`t intend to turn the way they do eventually just inevitable turn up the way they did...reason is pretty obvious n simple...keeping emotions under control is something that i need to learn.I have always been a rugged character, with a kinda over the top temper that i show at things which i never should get pissed off about.But most of the times, when things just don seem to make sense or when things just don`t turn up the way i want them to be i lose it....n its not after some time that i realise that what kind f a dumb fool i have been to have made the same mistake over and over and over.I try my hard not be the person that i don`t want to be....But hey, that's just not the case to be i guess.
most of the times its like i am being the victim of my own temper, of my own rattled up behaviour, a victim of time, a victim of circumstances....being a victim under any situation is just not done i guess....its high time that i stop being the victim, stop being the problem and start being the solution to a problem that i myself have created over and over again.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
2 Years of love n still going on great
14th of feb 2009....VALENTINE`s day for some n just noder day for some more.But for me this marks the second anniversary of a nice companionship that has been great and is still a force to reckon with.It was exactly 2 years ago that i found her.She was what i would call the dream of any guy.She was damn sexy the first time i saw her n still has the looks that she had 2 years ago.There has not been an inch of change in size whatsoever, a slight modification in looks but not the slightest of change in size and i am damn sure as hell that that's the way she`l be unless i have some other plans.
I still remember the day i first saw her and it was love at first sight.She was dressed in shiny red and was looking as gorgeous as gorgeous can be.Among all her peers, she is best looking that there can be n still continues to rule the roost in this regard.It took some time for me to get used to her, it was my first time at it and i did not know how to handle her comfortably.It took some time to get used to her.I told all my friends about her and they were all happy and envious about it at the same time and were very eager to meet her.I told them that when i get a bit more comfortable around her, then il introduce her to every1 else.since that day , daily after i returned from college, i used to take her out for a ride.Not very far, jus a small distance, coz it was her first time with me as well.We roamed around for some time n then returned home.I promised her that il take her out again tomorrow for a ride n then came back home.This small meeting of ours continued for almost a week.With every passing day we became more and more comfortable with each other and we sorta connected well.
All of us classmates were supposed to go to wonder la the next day and i thought to myself that it would be a nice time to introduce her to all of my friends.I took her out that night for a ride again and it was wonderful.I din go too far, but the time i spent with her that evening was enough to convince me that we were now ready to face the world head on.So it was decided that il take her out to college the next morning. I got up early the next day , got up n was ready quickly.I told mom that il be taking her out to college and mom like always was not too keen about it.In fact mom never ever wanted us to be together in the first place,it was due to mom that she had been always so near yet so far from me all these years,after persuading mom so much that she finally was okay with me being her at last.I was surprised but was very ecstatic at the same time.Better late than never, i thought to myself.....so that morning, for the first time ever, i took her out for a ride in broad daylight for everyone to see.I was very very nervous that if i screw up then she`l be badly injured and that was something that i could not live with.I told to myself that i can do it and set forth on my journey to college.Along the way there were a few minor hiccups, but nothing i cannot handle.I let those hiccups pass me and continued on my journey.We entered the college premises together and my friends in there were in for a total shock that i had got her to college so soon.I introduced her to everybody and they just drooled at her.Well,i knew they would..she was one sexxy girl.
She had the curves that could put many people around to shame.She looked like an angel in red that she always has on her, has pretty eyes up front and has always been a force to reckon with.She is the one with beauty and also has the brawn to carry it off with.
It`s been two years now and we are still together going on very strong.Has always been there with me through the tough times and the good times.I have always adored her and at times have taken out my frustrations on her too.But, she has always been the same person as i first saw her.
HER NAME IS PULSAR,SHE IS KA04 EY-138 AND SHE IS ALL MINE..... :-)
I still remember the day i first saw her and it was love at first sight.She was dressed in shiny red and was looking as gorgeous as gorgeous can be.Among all her peers, she is best looking that there can be n still continues to rule the roost in this regard.It took some time for me to get used to her, it was my first time at it and i did not know how to handle her comfortably.It took some time to get used to her.I told all my friends about her and they were all happy and envious about it at the same time and were very eager to meet her.I told them that when i get a bit more comfortable around her, then il introduce her to every1 else.since that day , daily after i returned from college, i used to take her out for a ride.Not very far, jus a small distance, coz it was her first time with me as well.We roamed around for some time n then returned home.I promised her that il take her out again tomorrow for a ride n then came back home.This small meeting of ours continued for almost a week.With every passing day we became more and more comfortable with each other and we sorta connected well.
All of us classmates were supposed to go to wonder la the next day and i thought to myself that it would be a nice time to introduce her to all of my friends.I took her out that night for a ride again and it was wonderful.I din go too far, but the time i spent with her that evening was enough to convince me that we were now ready to face the world head on.So it was decided that il take her out to college the next morning. I got up early the next day , got up n was ready quickly.I told mom that il be taking her out to college and mom like always was not too keen about it.In fact mom never ever wanted us to be together in the first place,it was due to mom that she had been always so near yet so far from me all these years,after persuading mom so much that she finally was okay with me being her at last.I was surprised but was very ecstatic at the same time.Better late than never, i thought to myself.....so that morning, for the first time ever, i took her out for a ride in broad daylight for everyone to see.I was very very nervous that if i screw up then she`l be badly injured and that was something that i could not live with.I told to myself that i can do it and set forth on my journey to college.Along the way there were a few minor hiccups, but nothing i cannot handle.I let those hiccups pass me and continued on my journey.We entered the college premises together and my friends in there were in for a total shock that i had got her to college so soon.I introduced her to everybody and they just drooled at her.Well,i knew they would..she was one sexxy girl.
She had the curves that could put many people around to shame.She looked like an angel in red that she always has on her, has pretty eyes up front and has always been a force to reckon with.She is the one with beauty and also has the brawn to carry it off with.
It`s been two years now and we are still together going on very strong.Has always been there with me through the tough times and the good times.I have always adored her and at times have taken out my frustrations on her too.But, she has always been the same person as i first saw her.
HER NAME IS PULSAR,SHE IS KA04 EY-138 AND SHE IS ALL MINE..... :-)
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